The problem is that I can’t tell if my thoughts and patterns are a result of my ADHD or if they are a result of trauma I’ve experienced. Like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, thought distortions are common in the ADHD brain, but also common in people who have experienced trauma. They also make it impossible to decipher whether a reaction or thought is justified or simply exaggerated and possibly not true at all. This leaves me in a constant battle with myself, beating myself up for having “crazy thoughts,” while at the same time deliberately overlooking situations or behaviors that may actually be cruel, intentional, or dangerous to my well-being. It’s very difficult when your reality is truly distorted. The shame I feel makes it impossible for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings, so I never really ask a person if they meant to say or do a certain thing. Therefore, I no longer reach out to people, I isolate and avoid. Right now it’s the best I can do, while I work on myself utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.

Here is a great article from the ADDitude magazine about cognitive distortions. This article also paints an accurate picture of how I mostly look at the world.

6 Cognitive Distortions That Fuel Anxiety in ADHD Brains