hypersensitive – My Neurodivergent Mind

When the World is Too Loud: AuDHD and the Battle of Hypersensitivity

Noisy Mind — Fri, 11 Jul 2025 18:51:12 +0000

Have you ever felt like your brain is a computer with 200 tabs open at the same time? Or that the world is an incredibly loud and overwhelming place, where bright lights hurt and certain noises cause such strong physical discomfort that your flight response is triggered, forcing you to remove yourself from the situation? For those of us with AuDHD – the often complex and contradictory intersection of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) – this experience isn’t just common; it’s a daily battle with hypersensitivity.

At its core, the ADHD brain typically lacks sufficient amounts of two crucial neurotransmitters: dopamine and norepinephrine. These are essential for executive functions that regulate concentration, impulse control, memory, and overall well-being. When you add Autism into the mix, with its own unique sensory processing profiles, the challenges amplify. While ADHD brains might be driven by novelty and interest-based motivation, autistic brains often crave predictability and experience sensory input more intensely (hypersensitivity).

Having AuDHD makes me crave routine but I sometimes struggle intensely to maintain it, or I seek sensory stimulation but simultaneously I’m overwhelmed by it.

This internal tug-of-war can make living in a neurotypical world incredibly difficult, as our brains are literally wired differently. Sensory overload, which occurs when the brain receives more sensory input than it can process, becomes a frequent and intense experience.

Imagine:

Bright or flickering lights (like fluorescent bulbs in an open-plan office) cause discomfort or pain.
Sudden loud noises or constant background sounds (like overlapping conversations, air conditioning hums, or even the ticking of a clock) are not just distracting but intrusive and overwhelming.
Crowded or chaotic environments (like shopping malls or public transport) trigger intense anxiety and can lead to withdrawal or meltdowns.

These constant bombardments can leave us exhausted, anxious, depressed, and prone to panic attacks. Our emotional responses are often amplified and immediate, with little impulse control, leading to feelings of shame and guilt after outbursts or breakdowns. It’s no wonder that a lifetime of masking to fit in and hide these internal struggles leads to severe mental health challenges.

For many with AuDHD, myself included, even medication, which is typically prescribed to increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels to improve focus and executive function, can present a unique challenge. I can report that my ADHD medication actually heightens my awareness of sensory input, making loud noises or bright lights feel even more overwhelming. This required a delicate balancing act to find the right treatment plan that truly supported my brain chemistry without exacerbating other symptoms too much.

This world, unfortunately, is not built with neurodivergent needs in mind. Our struggles are often misinterpreted as neurosis, malice, or personality disorders by others. It’s crucial to understand that our brains function differently, and this isn’t a personal failing. What we need is compassionate understanding, tailored accommodations, and the right tools—whether that’s noise-cancelling headphones, fidget tools, creating low-stimulation spaces, or appropriate medication—to navigate a world that can often feel deafeningly loud and overwhelmingly bright.
For me this translates into always carrying a spiked ball and noise cancelling earbuds with me. I take a specific set of medications: Elvanse/Lisdexamphetamine for ADHD, Bupropion/Wellbutrin, a pure dopamine anti-depressant that works specifically with the reward center in the brain (thereby helping me with impulse control), as well as Clonidin/Clonidinhydrochlorid, a medication to regulate high blood pressure, but has also been found to improve rejection sensitive dysphoria. Finding this combination of medications took months of research and basically advocating for myself and telling doctors exactly what to prescribe. In addition, Germany is still very behind when it comes to neurodiversity, diagnosis and prescriptions, which means that many drugs are either not available here, or are not available for adults. But this is where my superpower of hyper-focus really shined and allowed me to find forums and research that I was able to utilize.

You are not crazy, and there is help available. Embracing and understanding your unique sensory profile is a powerful step towards building a life that truly fits your brain.

We need more Empathy in the World

Noisy Mind — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 10:19:29 +0000

Being hypersensitive and having ADHD while also having fibromyalgia was not only difficult, but at times devastating. While I learned to cope and manage these conditions as best I could, it was often the interactions in daily life that caused most of my pain. How others reacted to me, the (incorrect) conclusions they drew, and the judgments they made about me made my life unbearable at times. I often struggled with major depression and felt suicidal to the point of hospitalization. I want to make it clear that I would not kill myself because I cannot bear to cause so much pain to those who love me, but to talk about the mess that is my brain and not mention depression and suicidal thoughts would be dishonest.

Let’s start with hypersensitivity. Having so much empathy that you can not only feel what others are feeling, but also read intentions and know, for example, when someone is lying or hiding things, is not an advantage. You can never talk about your intuitions because people don’t like to be found out or told things they don’t want to hear about themselves or others. They will simply label you as too sensitive, pompous (how dare you say things you can’t possibly know for sure), delusional, and therefore untrustworthy and dishonest.

When I was a child, my mother punished me for being sensitive by not allowing me to cry. Talking about bullies or cheaters in school didn’t go well either and resulted in retaliation. Telling a friend that the person they were dating was cheating was never believed and always ended with me being attacked and ostracized. Exposing someone as an abuser, narcissist, liar, manipulator, or cheater always ended with horrible consequences for me and none for the perpetrators.

Enter ADHD! I used to think I just had diarrhea of the mouth. Little did I know that this “urge to speak up” was simply due to horrible and mostly non-existent impulse control, an extreme sense of fairness, coupled with bad assumptions about how the world works from childhood trauma. The compulsion to share every thought because I felt that not doing so made me dishonest had disastrous consequences throughout my life. In my mind, I thought I had to talk about what I saw or felt because I was forced to keep the actions of my abusive parents, especially my father, a secret as a child, and I never wanted anyone to go through what I did. I didn’t know enough about human conditioning, cognitive dissonance, or how belief works in our brains. I didn’t know that saying things that contradict a person’s belief would only make their belief stronger, and I would be called a liar or a troublemaker. I had no idea that pathological liars and narcissists never apologize or admit anything, but double down so convincingly that I stood no chance.

I understand that most people are not as sensitive or intuitive, but I would have given the world for someone to simply ask questions and notice that my behavior seemed extreme or nonsensical. Instead, people judged me and never asked what was wrong with me. Some took full advantage of my spiral by gaslighting me, pitting me against others, and sharing what/if I had confided in them.The empathy that I have too much of, others didn’t have at all.

If you are feeling these things or have acted in similar ways as I have, I want you to know that you are not crazy and that there are doctors who can help. I’m also writing this in the hope that someone will read this and, instead of judging a person who is acting erratically when they haven’t in the past, ask questions and find the compassion to help. Curiosity and sincere concern are always better than blind judgment.

Podcast – How Being Different Nearly Killed Me

Noisy Mind — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 20:38:20 +0000

I did a podcast where I talked about what it was like to constantly hide who I am because I realized years ago that I might not belong in corporate America. It was hard to talk about, and thankfully the part where I broke down crying was edited out. I hope it helps others not to feel so alone or crazy.