What does it feel like to have a brain that runs at 500 mph and never stops? What does it feel like not to be able to control your emotions or impulses, to have too much empathy, and to not be able to keep your mouth shut when you should? What is it like to perceive the world as one huge, extremely loud, overwhelming, endless barrage of sights and sounds? What is it like to be so overwhelmed by the world that you no longer want to be in it? What is it like to be constantly (mis)judged, attacked, questioned or doubted because you behave, think and act differently?

My ADHD mainly manifests itself as an inability to concentrate, poor and sometimes non-existent impulse control, and difficulty remembering things because my brain just feels “full” all the time. While I have no problem sitting still, I feel hyper inside and constantly have to control the urge to interrupt people or just stay present in a conversation. I have mastered the art of looking at a person who is talking when I am not really in the conversation. TMI is a real thing for me, so are thought distortions and rejection sensitive dysphoria.

What is it like to be a hyper sensitive person (HSP)? My hypersensitivity translates into a heightened awareness of the stimuli around me and an extremely deep level of empathy that can, and often does, overwhelm me. I am extremely sensitive to sounds, smells, and bright lights. I don’t do well in crowds, but I can get by as long as there is an exit for me. I can read people well, too well, but I am often unable to actually apply that knowledge for fear of being wrong or judged.

I was officially diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 53 and put on medication for it. I also score extremely high on the autism spectrum (not officially diagnosed). I have learned to hide and mask my neurodivergent traits so well that most people don’t even notice them. Masking and hiding led to years of depression and anxiety. I’m sharing my knowledge in hopes that it will help others to recognize the signs and get help before their life derails.