What is it like to have a brain that runs at 500 mph and never stops? How does it feel like when you are unable to control emotions or impulses, have too much empathy and just can’t keep your mouth shut, especially when you should. What is it like to perceive the world as one giant, extremely loud and overwhelming endless slew of sights and sounds? What is it like to get so overwhelmed by the world that you sometimes just have to run?

My ADHD shows itself mainly in the fact that I cannot concentrate, have poor, and sometimes non-existent impulse control and have a hard time remembering things, because my brain just feels “full” all the time. While I have no problem sitting still, I do feel hyper on the inside and have to constantly control the urge to interrupt people, or simply stay present in a conversation. I have mastered the art of looking at a person speaking, while I am actually no longer in the conversation.

My hyper sensitivity translates into a heightened awareness of the stimuli around me and an extremely deep level of empathy that can, and often is overwhelming for me. I am extremely sensitive to sounds and bright lights. I don’t do well in crowds, but can manage, as long as there is an exit route for me. I can read people well, too well, but I am often unable to actually apply that knowledge due to fear of being wrong. TMI is a real thing for me.

I suspected that I have ADHD years ago. I took a few online tests, which confirmed ADHD, but also showed that I rank extremely high on the autism spectrum and that I am hyper sensitive. I was diagnosed in Germany and I’ve been put on medication. I was 54 years old at the time.

I have learned to hide and mask my neurodivergent traits so well, that most people won’t even notice them. Masking and hiding resulted in years of depression and anxiety. I’m sharing my knowledge in hopes that others get help or a diagnosis before things get really bad.