ADHD and hypersensitivity are often showing up together, especially in women. As research shows, there’s a reason for that. The dopamine receptor gene DRD4 is associated with higher cognitive empathy in women, and certain dopamine gene variants are linked to the personality variant of hypersensitive people. Yes, we are literally wired differently.
ADHD people have an endless thirst for knowledge and wisdom and it is also proven that the ability to recognize patterns is more pronounced in an ADHD brain. We are not just more empathetic, but also recognize behavioral patterns faster and sense more accurately what people are feeling and needing. But why is that? It is due to the three types of empathy that are distinctively pronounced in our brain.
- Cognitive Empathy
Allows us to mentally understand and put ourselves into the situations of others and understand their thoughts and intentions. - Emotional Empathy
Allows us to not just put ourselves into the shoes of another, but also actively feel the emotions of another in our bodies. Unfortunately, this also means that we can take on the moods of those around us, which is a detriment in toxic environments. - Social Empathy
Is derived from both, cognitive and emotional empathy and allows us to understand people from different races, cultures, backgrounds, age groups and personalities, etc.
We do have a higher emotional reactivity which leads to stronger emotions and elevated emotional empathy. All these traits are perfect if one works in a social field, like being a nurse, doctor, teacher, etc. However, outside of these fields these abilities are often detrimental and result in more judgment, friction and trauma for us.
Our ability to feel and read the intentions of other people is also one of the reasons we are often marginalized and the targets of bullying and retaliation. We often forget, at least I always do, that other people rarely see the true intentions of others, so when a person is acting and behaving in detrimental ways to the team/others, or is deliberately attempting to deceive, we will usually call it out; and pay a steep price for it.
Because we are faulted, labeled, insulted and attacked for our abilities most of our lives, we start doubting ourselves and our self-esteem over time shatters. This is especially the case for those of us who were not diagnosed until later in life. If 10 people tell you that you are wrong, a trouble maker, liar, shit stirrer and problem, while no one else around you behaves the same way, sees the same things and speaks the same language, you come to the conclusion that they are right. You start believing that there is something severely wrong with you, that you are crazy, neurotic, emotionally unstable and stupid.
The damage that results from others, as well as a lifetime of masking, attempting to fit in, hiding your true thoughts and feelings, while constantly censoring your words and actions is exhausting and often leads to severe depression, anxiety and burnout. Doctors will then mislabel us as suffering from clinical depression and anxiety disorders and prescribe antidepressants; which of course, never work.
This world is not built for people like me. From giant, open floor plan offices, to leaders who not only know nothing or very little about psychology and especially not neurodiversity, to performance measures that are not designed to reward or include individuality, we are simply doomed to fail from the time we start Kindergarten to the time we retire. Unless you get lucky, like I did, and end up in a company and position that celebrates my neurodiversity and recognizes my special abilities versus punishing for my shortcomings.
I do feel and suffer with all of my friends and those who have not yet had the courage to get tested. I hope they find help and understanding so they can thrive before they break.
