People often think that I am fearless because I have a tendency to fearlessly protect others in the moment—for example, if someone is getting attacked or bullied. The truth, though, is that I actually don’t like confrontation and will try to avoid it at any cost, unless someone is being mistreated.
The interesting part is that this is not one of my own unique traits, but rather a behavioral pattern very specific to people with ADHD. I have talked to others with ADHD, and they all confirmed that they, too, will charge into battle without hesitation for others, including strangers. For us, something strange happens in our brain when we see others in distress, or when life-changing events take place, like an accident, earthquake, storm, etc. Where others panic, we become calm. When disaster strikes, our brain, unlike any other time, becomes calm, quiet, focused, and alert. This is why many people with ADHD work as firefighters, cops, in the ER, in an ambulance, etc. Emergencies allow us to calmly focus on helping/solving a problem, and others in distress causes us to become fearless.
A friend told me about being in a tram when two guys took the dog of a homeless person, mocking him and attempting to steal the dog. The homeless man was crying, begging them to give him his dog back, but they simply laughed. My friend confronted them and demanded that they return the dog immediately. They threw the dog back at the homeless man but then focused their attention on her. One pulled a gun, held it to her temple, and said, “Now look me in the eyes and tell me to shut up again.” I immediately jumped into the story (ADHD people do not get angry when other ADHD people interrupt them) and said, full of anger, “I would have looked him straight in the eyes, telling him to pull the trigger.” This is exactly what she did! The guys fled the tram and were never seen again.
Sharing story after story about saying and doing things that could or did destroy our careers, friendships, relationships, and reputation made me realize that my actions, while unique for neurotypical people, were completely normal to neurodivergent people.
Maybe this seemingly reckless or senseless behavior stems from our difficulties in regulating or controlling our impulses, thoughts, and emotions. I always felt incredibly bad for my lack of impulse control, often wondering why I couldn’t just keep my mouth shut. Learning that I am not crazy, neurotic, vicious, or mean, and finding ways to deal with and regulate my impulses, while not easy, has definitely been one of the most interesting experiences of my life so far.
Onwards and upwards, Buttercup! Life has just gotten a whole lot more interesting!
