I have been reiterating the fact that speaking your truth is one of the most important steps to getting the life you want and the happiness you deserve. When I talk about speaking your truth, though, I am talking about setting boundaries and sticking to them. I am not talking about spewing whatever comes to mind whenever you feel like it, and to whomever you want to in order to get your point across!
So what is the difference, you may ask. Speaking your truth does not have an attachment to outcome! We don’t speak our truth in order to manipulate, persuade or force someone to do things our way, see things the way we want them to, or even agree with us. To speak your truth means to stand in your own power and to not allow anyone to take your power away. It has nothing to do with aggression, manipulation or being stubborn, selfish and mean-spirited.
Having an attachment to someone else’s reaction turns your “truth speaking” into an act of trying to get things your way and moves the focus away from you, i.e. holding someone else responsible. To be honest does not mean we have to be mean, a bully, manipulative or unkind, because in a way, we couldn’t care less what the other “feels” about it. It means that you have stated what is and what is not acceptable to your well-being and your own self and that should never be reliant on an outside source.
People are whatever they are and choose to be. Confronting those who have wronged you, or are still wronging you won’t create peace of mind. The reason is that most people are absolutely unwilling to change or even see their part in an argument, problem or issue. But when we set our boundaries and claim our power, it doesn’t matter if a person changes their mind or point of view, because their action or reaction does not influence our happiness or our peace.
I used to have this very wrong. My idea of always being honest backfired big time, each and every time I would confront a person with their, to me, unacceptable behaviors and attitudes. I figured, if I speak clearly they’d get it. But they generally didn’t and the struggle, fights or arguments would continue. The more someone would misunderstand or misinterpret me, the more I would attempt to “set them straight.” Needless to say, this almost always failed completely. In the past, my “honesty” made quite a few enemies and the feeling of being seen completely distorted, or having been treated unfairly, weighed heavily on me.
To be honest, it is hard for me to accept that not everyone likes or will like me. There are a lot of people who claim that they don’t care how others perceive them. But to me, and I would argue to most, it does matter. It matters because I am actively attempting to make a difference in the world and I am actively attempting to be my higher self; and for all of us who take on these roles, we have to be mindful of our choices, words, actions, thoughts and emotions. We do not get to spew bad energy, we don’t get to be passive aggressive and we don’t get to manipulate others and be victims.
Making this decision makes it even more important to fully accept and love yourself. Accepting who you are and stopping to make excuses for it will allow you to keep your power and your peace of mind; as a permanent state of being. When you state and live your boundaries consistently, you will find no need to manipulate anymore. It doesn’t matter if someone agrees or doesn’t agree, because at the end of the day, it isn’t up to others to validate who you are! This power is given to you alone, my friend.
Living your life with honor, integrity, courage and kindness will, in return, attract those who do not require explanations. You will find yourself surrounded more by those who won’t continuously challenge, misinterpret or suck the life out of you and less by those who do not live by the same principles. The universe has a way of weeding out those who no longer belong or serve your growth anymore. So when you “lose” someone to your newly found ability to live in power, let it go and trust that another who has no problem with it will emerge. There is no empty space in the universe. Alas, getting rid of space occupied by those who do not deserve it, will allow a spot for those who do.
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am absolutely in love with your blog… and the more i read it .. .the more i love it… “The universe has a way of weeding out those who no longer belong or serve your growth anymore” – how profound!! how true!!! how beautuful!! funny .. you seem to sense my frequency quite often.. .i am going thru this phase of thinking where i am pondering about placing my sense of right on the altar of peace… for family sake if i reach out to somebody who i think wronged me.. will it be worth? in my mind… if absence of “I” can allow the whole family to sit and laugh together… it will be worth.. don’t know.. just pondering over…. the truth … honesty with self… don’t know.. reading your post was such a great feeling.. so liberating .. .thank you
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Just so you know you have written one of the most amazing articles. I’ve read a lot and I mean a lot. Yet right now I’m so impressed by all your blogs. Like it so much. I’ll be telling my friends about it. Keep up the good posts, please.
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You sound like you understand exactly what you are posting about! With thanks
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Information is power and now I’m a !@#$ing dictator!
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People like you get all the brains. I just get to say thanks for the answer.
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What a joy to find someone else who thinks this way.
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No, you should always speak your truth. However, keep in mind that you should not speak up if you have an attachment to a specific outcome. Some people will never hear you and with those (which often does mean family), you simply have to tune them out 🙂
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Hey, that post leaves me feeling foolish. Kudos to you!
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For the most part I agree with your message, but I must take issue with a part of it:
You wrote:
“People are whatever they are and choose to be. Confronting those who have wronged you, or are still wronging you won’t create peace of mind. The reason is that most people are absolutely unwilling to change or even see their part in an argument, problem or issue…”
I believe that you must respect people enough to set them straight, while being detached from the outcome. Informing people that they have wronged you is essential to your relationship. However, the essence is in how you do it. If you attack a sensitive person, you will get nothing but argument as they will become defensive. So, one must take a more diplomatic approach.
I think honesty is an important policy in every person’s life. However, diplomacy is the key to living an honest life with minimum friction and maximum benefit. Every human being is unique and requires a unique approach. By instilling a level of diplomacy in your demeanor, you can let people know how they have betrayed you, without hurting or confronting them and possibly opening their eyes to avoid this kind of problem in the future.
Be it a friend, partner, co-worker, you owe it to people, to give them one chance to redeem themselves. There is no point in arguing with repeat offenders, but new people deserve that initial opportunity.
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Absolutely agreed. I was talking about the repeat offenders. I usually tend to give numerous chances. I also used to give chances for years, in hope that plenty of love, compassion, support and understanding would finally help them see the light. Alas, in 99% of these cases I only received more whining, more bad excuses and more refusal to take responsibility for their own actions. People who consistently deny their part in anything cannot be reasoned with; and that is more the point I was trying to make. 🙂
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Holy schnitzel, this is so cool thank you.