Today, I’d like to talk about the basic idea of intuition. We all have it and some of us are pretty good at it. I use intuition in my job as fraud prevention professional a lot. However, what most of us do not realize is what intuition truly is and that intuition can, in fact, be fooled quite easily.
What we have to remember is that intuition, like everything else in our physical body, is dependent on brain function. The brain makes decisions based on numerous factors, including experience, input from our five senses and a few other parts (neuroconnections) that fire rapidly. A really good book here is “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell. What most of us do not necessarily like to admit is that our intuition does often include wishful thinking, as does our memory! Did you ever notice how certain things that have happened in your past become better (or worse) as time passes, until one of your friends reminds you “no, that’s not at all what happened!”
My point is to not rule out your intuition. There is something to be said about our ability to make quick decisions, before reason and logic tear it apart and overwrite it. But this should not be the only thing you rely on. I am talking about relationships, specifically. While my intuition generally works well in detecting “bad” people, it does not do so well when it comes to the gray areas or people who are not necessarily bad, but also not necessarily good. The neutral people are hard to figure out and so are sociopaths and those who deliberately conceal who they are; especially those who buy into a certain persona and firmly believe themselves to be the person they are portraying! Yes, I do believe that there is often something in our gut that says that something isn’t right, but even if there isn’t, we should still not simply overwrite reason and logic and move on to our wishful thinking phase.
When we meet people, especially as it pertains to relationships, we want them to be good. Nobody goes out and says “I want to meet a jerk.” No, we want someone who is compatible, who likes us back, is available and good to us. But especially when it comes to the “compatible” part things can get murky. So when we go out with someone who is clearly not compatible with us (example: they drink every day and you don’t drink; they are polyamorous and you are monogamous, etc.), we have a tendency to ignore these things, usually in the foolish hope that they “didn’t mean it,” or may change. After all, we followed our instinct; and our gut told us that this is the one!
I am an idealist and I do believe that instant connection is possible. However, I do not believe that instant love is possible. I also do no longer believe that love at first sight is possible. To really appreciate, trust and fall in love with someone, it does take time. To truly commit to someone, you have to know who you are committing to and you have to decide if that commitment makes sense to you, and you only. While I am not an expert in anything, for me, commitment makes sense only then when it is reciprocative and earned. I used to make commitments based on instinct and found that my intuition has been wrong on quite a few occasions.
I am fully aware that there is a romantic notion that gets destroyed once we realize that most things we should be doing are based on sound decisions coming from the informed parts of our brain; not the wishful thinking part of our heart or experiences. It takes something away when we realize that we simply cannot predict another person’s behavior and actions, because they, too, have free will and may not have been what we wished, hoped or wanted them to be. It makes it hard to be idealistic, but I remain an idealist in the sense that I still believe that most people are good. It just doesn’t mean they are good for me!
When we are lonely and sad and all we want is to be loved, we may want to cling so strongly to that notion that we are willing to overwrite all common sense and reasoning. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take risks, but it does mean that we should wait, observe and carefully consider to whom and why we give our love, heart and affections to. We all are special in our own way and we deserve to be happy. This happiness will not be given to you by others, but can and only will come from within. So take your time, do not settle and only give your heart to the one who deserves it, treats it tenderly and in return, gives his/her heart to you, too.
May you all be loved and cherished the way you want, deserve and hope to be.
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Trust in your gut. This is were lots of feelings come from, just listen to your gut and see for yourself
steve