This morning, I woke up from a terrible nightmare. The feelings of betrayal, anxiety, hopelessness and despair came flooding back and I was revisiting every single person in this dream that had contributed to the trauma I’m still recovering from.
In an ideal world, perpetrators would get what they deserve and victims would be redeemed. In an ideal world there would be balance, justice and fairness; but we don’t live in an ideal world. So the best thing is to remember certain principles on your journey to gain your self-esteem and trust back.
- No person or entity (like a company), is worth your emotional, physical and mental health
It took me over 28 years to realize that I simply don’t belong in corporate America. Listen to your instincts and your gut and don’t pass judgement on that. Not fitting a certain mold does not mean you can’t or won’t be successful. It just means that you have to follow the path that is right for you. - In over 99% of the cases you will never get an apology, so don’t wait for one
Very few people are honest with themselves or others, and even fewer can recognize when they have caused another person harm. The brain is a meaning making machine and it will find patterns that will justify even the worst actions. You may wonder “how can they look at themselves in the mirror” and find that they do just fine, because they are unable to admit when they messed up. - Always examine any situation from all sides and accept your mistakes/part of a situation
However, instead of beating yourself up, simply learn to do things differently, and above all, don’t be like number 2. If you messed up, apologize. - Don’t accept blame or responsibility for other people’s mistakes, shortcomings or character flaws
Some people are self-serving jerks that lack the depth and compassion to change their behaviors. Again, see number 2! - Beware of people with severe self-esteem issues
A person that lacks confidence will be quick in blaming others, throwing them under the bus, taking credit for their accomplishments (at work), moving in on their friends partners and achieve success by kissing up. There is a difference between those who temporarily lost their confidence and those who never had it to begin with and are not working on ever acquiring it. Having no self-esteem also means that even if they don’t actively work on harming you or others, they will never have anyone else’s back, because being unable to stand up for themselves, definitely means also being unable to stand up for anyone else. - Beware of sociopaths and egomaniacs
Especially the workplace is full of them. People who think they are better than everyone else, deserve more credit, work harder than the rest of the department and deem everyone else unworthy, incompetent, less smart or capable. They are usually quite easy to spot, because they constantly talk about how much better they are and are equal opportunity haters. They also stand out by an utter lack of compassion, empathy or regard for others. It’s all about them, even when they claim that it is not. They tend to be loud, convincing and overly confident and we live in a world that cannot differentiate between confidence and competence, so they usually do have a bigger voice than others. - Integrity and honesty above all
Some talk a great game and the actions never match. Pay attention to not just what people say, but most importantly, what they do! Actions do speak a lot louder than words. Keep your word, say what you mean and mean what you say. Find people who honor, respect and love you for these traits, not those who weaponize it (learned that from my friend Laurie). Abusing and using a person’s honesty against them is never ok. - You cannot change others, but you can always change yourself
I’m an idealist. I believe that I can change the world. But I change the world by choosing with whom, when and how I engage. I change the world by changing what I accept in my life as truth and by exemplifying the behaviors that I want to see in others. Which leads to number 9 - Be the change you wish to see in the world – Ghandi
Focusing on other people is going to destroy your spirit. So instead of feeling constant disappointment in others, focus on being the person you want to be. Lead by example, and do the right thing, especially in a world that often rewards those who do whatever they want for their own gain. Surround yourself with people who hold the same values dear and that includes the workplace. Do not settle for anything or anyone who compromises your values. - Kindness matters
Don’t be a jerk! It doesn’t matter if you believe in a god/higher power, or nothing at all. How we treat others and who we are in the world has a way of finding its way back to you – always. Maybe not now, but eventually we all truly get what we deserve. It often looks as if the asshats win, but trust me, in the end they have theirs coming. It is much more important to focus on how you can make sure to never become like them.
Goodness attracts bad, because not-so-good people often want a piece of the light a good person radiates. However, goodness also attracts other good people, because alike attracts each other. Just know the difference by judging the actions, not words. Listen to your gut. Good people don’t throw up warning signs when you meet them, look them in the eyes, or interact with them.
