The majority of people with ADHD are diagnosed as children or adolescents. However, an overwhelming number of girls and women are never diagnosed. The reason for this is the fact that we quite often learn to mask our symptoms – extremely well.
What started my journey of self-discovery was an article I read about 7 years ago about this very phenomenon. This article pointed out that women often never get diagnosed until they enter menopause. As it turns out, menopause for women with ADHD is even more hellish, because our symptoms are now uncontrollable and get worse.
For me it started with an increased inability to remember things. My concentration started to get worse and worse, the noise in my head louder and louder and my impulse control vanished. Suddenly, I was no longer able to control what I had controlled my entire life. As the estrogen and progesterone levels started declining, so did my ability to control my emotions and my brain. I actually thought that I was going crazy.
The worst part was the isolation and stigmatization that followed. My symptoms were seen as neuroticism, malice and ill will, and I was no longer able to properly explain what was happening to me, because I couldn‘t understand it either.
My life started spiraling out of control and by the time I moved to Europe, I was a mere shadow of the person I once was. I crashed. I had a complete break, was put on a bunch of psych meds, but nothing worked. I was riddled with pain from my fibromyalgia, anxiety attacks, depression and constant thoughts of „I don‘t want to live anymore.“ I couldn‘t sleep anymore and became unable to leave my house.
When I moved from the Netherlands to Germany things seemed better. I ended up working for a company I love, doing what I enjoy doing, but I couldn‘t help thinking that something was broken in me. Then I got Covid and all hell broke loose.
With the help of an amazing boss and CEOs, as wells as my doctor, I finally got the courage to ask for help. First, my hormone levels were tested and they showed that I no longer had progesterone left. In the Netherlands I had been put on estrogen patches, but the actual levels were never tested. In Germany my hormone levels were tested and showed that my estrogen was now too high, while my progesterone levels were at 0.1. I was put on progesterone, wich almost immediately started helping with sleep, weight loss and some of the mood swings.
However, things were still not quite right and my doctor realized that in order to get me well the cause of my issues needed to be addressed instead of simply treating my symptoms with medication. I was put in an urgent psychosomatic clinic to get me started on the journey to health. I was almost immediately tested for ADHD and „passed with flying colors.“ With the help of my therapist and doctor in the clinic I was put on the equivalent of Ritalin.
All this taught me how important it is to not only pay attention to, but get treatment for mental health issues. As of now I wished I would have been diagnosed earlier. Alas, one cannot change the past, and rather late than never. So, if you suspect that something might be off, I hope for you that you have the resources to get it checked out and get help, because help does exist!
