Many things confuse me about our society, but one that confuses me the most is how incredibly rude, insensitive, judgmental and hateful people can be, when at the same time, they are trying to be politically correct, and claim to be respectful, polite and religious.
Every time some fanatic nutjob feels a need to “educate” the masses, i.e. Phelps’ posse crashing funerals of soldiers, it is a mere expression of their freedom of speech. The same jokers are running around and calling Obama a Muslim; other nutjobs claim that evolution is a lie, or that the holocaust never happened. Meanwhile, the racists keep committing hate crimes, and all of them hide securely behind America’s great freedom of speech. Everyone is allowed to spew whatever BS “truths” they want, because as we know “I’ve read it on the Internet, or saw it on TV, which means it must be true.” But f*** our lives if we start talking about anything that is actually supported by scientific fact!
One must tiptoe around certain topics and statistics, because one must be politically correct in those areas and not possibly hurt the feelings of the masses. Of course, it is perfectly permissible to hate and discriminate in any shape or form we damn please, for as long as it serves our own purpose and agenda. The extremists are running amok, and always claim they are doing it for the good of all and to make our country a better place. After all, it is acceptable and OK to force one’s own utterly ridiculous ideas on another for their own good, because that is the right thing to do and serves the purpose of helping…NOT! Meanwhile, anything and everything that is supported by fact, but might point out the rather troubling choices of the majority must not ever be mentioned, because that makes you one cruel, harsh, insensitive, radical and liberal bastard (and who knew that being liberal is a bad thing?).
In the land of the free it is ok to crash funerals; it’s not ok to sue these bastards, because they are merely exercising their freedom of speech. It is ok to call a skinny girl anorexic and a bitch, but not ok for an employer to suggest fitness programs for morbidly obese employees. It is ok to call a black person the “N” word, but it’s not ok to fire a jerk who proudly proclaims that she/he would NEVER allow her/his daughter to bring home a “colored fella.” When it comes to drugs, self-destructive tendencies and otherwise detrimental behaviors of the majority, this is when we adopt a strange sense of conscience and sensitivity. You can do whatever the hell you want, as long as you are doing it to minority groups. Because the herd makes up the majority their behavior must be tolerated and spared. Screw freedom of speech when someone has the audacity to “attack” the masses and their choices. This is when the blame games begin.
Let’s tax the fast food restaurants for sodas! Better yet, let’s close them down and forbid them to put toys in their children’s meals or sell children’s meals altogether; because we all know, it’s the fast food restaurants that are to blame for the obesity rates in America. And we also know that parents have no power whatsoever to tell their children “no.” So when my kid whines about wanting that McDonald’s happy meal, I have to go and get it. After all, my kid runs the show; I am merely the sperm donor/uterus who gave birth to him/her. Not to mention that there are too many fast food chains around us anyway. It’s a major conspiracy. They magically make me go through their drive-throughs, ordering my triple pounder with cheese and super sized fries, because they use magic sauce that makes me addicted
While we are at it, let’s forbid smoking in all restaurants, bars and public places, and sue the tobacco industry. They are to blame that I started smoking, because it wasn’t my own doing when I tried to be cool. Must have been all the cigarette commercials. Oh wait; I might have suppressed memories of Philip Morris chasing me over the schoolyard to shove that first Marlboro in my mouth. Yep, that is it! I smoke a pack a day, because Philip Morris shoved the cigarettes down my throat and I drink too much because it’s really not that bad for you; after all, both are legal!
Talking about addiction, we all saw how stopping advertisements for booze actually contributed to a decline in alcoholism. NOT! And who doesn’t know that marijuana is to blame for all the hardcore drug addictions all over the globe? Because it is a well known fact that the next step after smoking a joint is definitely shooting up heroin, snorting some coke or smoking meth! Go and watch “Reefer Madness!” It’ll show you that pot actually turns people violent, especially black men!
Of course, we must also be very concerned about the mortal soul of our fellow citizens, and hence, need to keep fighting the decline of morals and values in our country by ensuring that prostitution is never legalized and forbidding certain sexual practices in certain states altogether. Let’s definitely keep on blaming and hatin’ on all other religions, because there is only one law and one way and his name is Jesus! I know for a fact that it’s them damn fornicators and loose individuals that contribute to the demise of our nation! This is why we must also fight birth control and condoms. What this world needs is more people who do things god’s way; actually, screw the “god’s way” part, this world needs more people like me and we know that only faggots and those hated by god contract STDs!
Oh, woe is me. How scary the world becomes, once I can no longer blame and point fingers. And what would I do, if I would have to be responsible and accountable? What would the world look like if I no longer had some “expert” telling me how to behave, some religion to help me differentiate between right and wrong and some selected individuals who do the thinking for me?
And why not? There is a bearded man in the sky who forgives all my sins, because he knows that I am inferior, ever since I believed the talking snake in the apple tree. And I can make daily deals with him, too. I can run to the church, do some penance and return back home to continue beating my wife and children, because Jesus died on the cross for all my shitty choices. He is also the one who tells me to hate fags, all other religions and practices I don’t agree with and any day now, he is going to kill all those who are different than me and only I and my fellow believers will be spared.
Those who are extra special and evolved will move on to a different planet altogether, because they are the smart ones and know that there is no such silly thing as bearded men in the sky, oh no! They know that it’s aliens who are responsible for our suffering.
I am going to start my own religious cult. I’ve paid my $20 and became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church! I can prove that I am a true descendant of Christ…who was actually an alien from Mars who has fathered an entire nation of Martians… who have been traveling back and forth between our planets. My proof? Just look at all the cave drawings. They clearly show people in space helmets. Plus, while taking a nap in my backyard, a magical raccoon appeared and told me that I need to lead the masses. He left me a magical cheeseburger from McDonald’s that has Jesus’ face on it. Better believe me, I have pictures…
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