What if we could completely eliminate ego? Sure, there are times when ego is absolutely crucial for survival, but what if we could eliminate ego in those areas where it’s simply about looking good and being right, overwriting common sense and decency. We fight with each other, because we have to be right, we have to convince others of us being right and we have to win!
How does one overcome ego in a society that has no losers and only winners? It’s a tough nut to crack. In order to stop fighting for being right, we’d have to lose our attachment to outcome. But wouldn’t that mean that we have to lose our passion and engagement? How can we convince people or sell them on our point, if we don’t have an attachment to convincing them of anything?
The fact is that my truth is not necessarily another person’s truth, and vice versa. Sure, I believe there are universal truths, but not to bend them is my choice and sometimes not the choice of others.
When someone is really convinced of something they are rarely willing to change their mind, no matter how compelling the argument may be. If the belief is a deep rooted one, not even evidence of the contrary changes the opinion. And how is that surprising? Almost all religions work by that very principal. People don’t necessarily believe in what is true, but in what or whom they believe to be right; and sometimes there is a huge gap between the two.
I always felt that healthy debate and an open mind are the best traits to have. Sometimes I would get sucked into being “human” by starting to argue; especially when I felt that my very being or core were either attacked or undermined. However, I did find that the older I get, the less I feel a need to “defend” myself. Sure, there are still times where certain remarks or topics trigger a response, but overall, I try to be conscious of my need to argue about something. Because even if I deeply believe in a cause or thing, it doesn’t mean I have to argue about it. I can choose to walk away or debate. I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts, emotions, shortcomings or reactions. However, I try to be mindful of them!
I used to fight a lot of empty and utterly useless battles. I would come to the aid of someone who didn’t want to be helped. I would argue because the fundamental “wrongness” of something would drive me insane. I needed to fight the good fight and speak up for everything and everyone I felt was being wronged. Then I learned about the human race at large and found that no argument, evidence or proof changed a thing. In the end, most people will run from face-to-face confrontation, follow blindly and cowardly, yet angrily, hide from what might be truth but causes discomfort, or god forbid, work on their part. People generally follow the path of least resistance, even if that path is destructive to themselves or others.
Yes, there are certain things that I believe are absolutely crucial to fight for, especially if I can help or aid another or many. An example would be speaking up about a bully, or calling help for someone who is getting robbed.
In my personal life I try to eliminate the fighting and the drama that comes with it, by simply walking away from those who add those elements. I don’t need to convince them of my truth, I don’t need to launch any hate campaigns or even speak up. Sometimes one has to understand that it is OK to have different values, but that setting boundaries means that I am not obligated to interact with those who cannot share or respect mine.
Fighting doesn’t change a thing and it doesn’t change minds. The only thing that has potential to change the minds of others is leading by example. Sometimes others get inspired enough to follow the example and other times they do not. But in the end, it is up to each and every one of us to be the person we set out to be and aspire to be, regardless if others follow.
Permalink
absolutely loved it!! the last second para is in perfect sync with what i have chosen always…. but off late i am coming across special situations like people whom you cannot afford to walk away from.. so i have decided to have another reaction pattern – keep silent… and tolerate as much as you can.. if time is ripe and you can afford to let go off that connection/people withdraw quietly….
Permalink
You don’t have to silently “take it,” either. If you cannot walk away, keep a healthy distance. You should never not speak your truth. You just need to know that some people will not hear it.
Permalink
Beautifully said. I’m definitely guilty of arguing to be right but I’ve seen that the older I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to prove I am right. You can truly only lead by example and see the effects of that.