There is a short and a long answer to this question. Short answer “Almost everyone is playing it. Because it is easier than looking at yourself in the mirror.”
“Blame.” The mere word suggests that something shady is going on. This word hardly ever has a positive ring to it, because it usually implies trying to “pin” fault on another. Most of us learn how to do it when we are little by watching our parents and peers and a whole lot of us never learn how to actually be accountable or take responsibility for our own actions. After all, that would mean we’d have to look at our own stuff, and god forbid, do some work.
Human beings generally resist change and most downright despise having to work for anything that does not hail instant reward or gratification. We live in a society that teaches us that we should have a sense of entitlement and that looking the other way is not only acceptable, but makes life easier. We don’t like getting involved, not with others and sure as hell not with ourselves. We do a lot of blaming, denying, avoiding and “existing.” We do a lot of sleepwalking and we rather engage in the status quo than question the system.
We do this year after year and we live mediocre, miserable lives, which we blame on our surroundings, circumstances, upbringing or on our lack of (beauty, wealth, health, etc.). We may be highly intelligent, but when it comes to our emotions, we don’t do the math. We find ourselves time after time in the same “bad” situations and somehow never add up that it might be us. Humans are the only intelligent creatures who do not learn from their mistakes.
When we blame we imply that we are right. Being right is the number one reason we fight, because ego keeps us alive. We also imply that we don’t need to adjust our own attitude. We do this by making the same points, with the same people with the same lack of success. We truly are the best example of insanity. When we run out of excuses, we fall into the victim mode and assemble; in other words, we find those who will agree with us. We keep building an opinion poll until we have successfully drowned out any logic or reason and hence, continue on our path of craziness.
Why is it so easy to do this? Because one of the most feared traits within human beings is conflict or confrontation. Hence, it is much easier to find those who (silently) agree, than those who call us on our own crap. And of course, because the majority consists of (excuse the harsh word) cowards, it is easier to get the buy-in from the majority.
Take a good look around you and tell me how many inspiring people you see? Now take a look and tell me how many followers you see. We are, by design, herd animals and we function better when we feel validated from the herd. One could say we are highly evolved Lemmings.
We are so easily manipulated via our emotions that we follow all kinds of crazy ideas, ideologies, statements and people. This is how religion and politics work. They appeal to our emotions, not our logic and the fact remains that most of us are emotional creatures, even if we are totally unaware of it! If I tell you the things that feed and validate your fears, paranoia and insecurities, I will not only have an impact on you, but possibly a follower, too. It appears as if inspiring people have the most followers, but sadly, it only appears that way. The ones who tell us what we want to hear and ask us for the least amount of effort will generally get our voice and devotion. In theory we want to be challenged, in practice we want to really not move a finger and have things fall into our laps.
I have spent over 20 years studying different philosophies, religions, psychology, psychiatry and scientific papers to figure out human behavior. Alas, I still come up short-handed. I still don’t know how you can put two kids into an equally miserable environment and one comes out a sociopath, while the other one ends up a doctor, helping people. I don’t understand why some have an uncanny self-awareness that allows them to rise above all their hardships, while others fall apart at every little thing. I have yet to find a single philosophy, religion or science that helps me understand the total irrational behaviors of people.
The blame game; I guess sometimes we all play it and maybe the best we can do is stay clear of those who live it every single day.
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That’s exactly what I do now, but wish I had sooner, and that is to stay clear of the blame game. Esp. the blamers and the drama queens and kings with nothing but excuses. Those who go around looking for anyone who agree with them so they can tell their versions of sob stories, validating their feelings and worst, their behaviors.
Many years ago I used to get sucked into feeling sorry for these people, until I looked in the mirror and took responsibility for my own ‘participation’ in the negative events in my life. Such as putting up with crappy men; listening to a negative mother who blamed and complained; and trying to be friends with everyone.. no matter how ‘unhealthy’ and ‘unproductive’ the relationship was.
I have learned so much; but as a result, I tend to want to be alone than to put up with or even listen to these people for even a minute. I’m still trying to find my balance without becoming ‘unemotional’ or is it just numb that I’ve become. Depends on the day it seems. 🙂 Another Great post, Carmen!!! I need to come over here more often. I’ve been trying to be a good blogger and visit all my followers, but most of them are retired and have more time and others.. well, the post don’t get me fired up & yours always do!! I love it!! 🙂 ~ Coreen
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Well, the reason my posts seem to resonate so well with you is that we seem to think and be very much alike 😀
I used to feel sorry for them too and then would try to rescue them. Needless to say, they destroyed a lot of my “innocence” in the process with their negative, horrific, bad-mouthing, worthless bullshit. But, you too, can have a healthy mind again. It just takes a lot of therapy and money, haha
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Ha… Or hypnotherapy!!! That sure worked for me!! 🙂
You should read my recent blog post ‘Gossip & Rumors’… I was a we bit Ticked off!! But 2 of my ‘woman’ stalkers sure did get the hint and Backed Off!!! They both must have realized that aren’t dealing with the same naive girl. I lost my innocence 5 1/2 years ago when I moved from my own ‘home-town’ to someone elses… being the ‘single-blonde’ seemed to have been enough to start their jaws a yapping in Iowa anyway. At least I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and now… I can write about it all!! lol
Have a Great week, Carmen!!! Hugs ~ Coreen
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Well go there immediately to read it! I’ve had my fair share of crazy “friends” who’d backstab me and go nuts for no apparent reason. My favorite is the one I not only got a job for, but saved her butt when she was about to get fired, not once, but twice. I gave her career opportunities and stood by her when no one else would and everyone else was tired of her bs. Her payback? After she got laid off (on the same day I did, mind you!), she blocked me, deleted me, then went after my “friends” to badmouth me. Of course, she went after the weak jerks who wouldn’t stand for me anyway. Good riddance!