Today, I got out early; at 6 pm. Traffic sucked as usual, but I drive a Leaf and can zoom by the suckers in the carpool lane! Finally, I remembered my prescription. CVS, however, screwed it up, as usual. I got home at 7:30 pm. Tonight’s dinner? 1 banana and a handful of almonds. Wait, let’s make that TWO handfuls of almonds. Dinner is overrated.

Does it ever happen to you that you sit in a meeting, intensely staring at the speaker and thinking “you are naked!?” It happens to me all the time. It’s my own phrase for those who appear to be wearing the finest garments, just as in Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale, but are, in fact, completely and utterly naked! I’ve seen it in the corporate world time and time again, and while I point and laugh (on the inside that is), the rest sits and stares in awe. They are completely and utterly smitten by whatever BS is pouring out of some Muppet’s mouth, blissfully unaware of how incompetent this person really is. Some people talk a great game and deliver, never. I used to call it the “MBA” rule. If you have an MBA, chances are, you are really full of shit and BSed your way to the top.
Don’t give me shit. I have friends with MBAs and they are the real deal; and of course, I am exaggerating. Also, I have seen non-degree holding jerks as well. It’s all fun and games in the corporate world. Alas, I digress.
I think that is the reason why I don’t get nervous when I have to speak in public. If I agree to speak to a group, I usually know what I am talking about and I know that there are a lot of naked people in the audience.

So, the next time you are so scared to present whatever it is you are presenting, you should remember that corporate America is filled with naked people. Granted, I am “skilled” in reading the BS meter, given that my job is all about profiling and exposing people for the frauds that they are, but I can give you a few pointers that help you to figure them out:

• The Flip Flopper – Gives you one piece of advice or direction now and changes their mind an hour later (give and take, depending on whom they are trying to bullshit). They usually don’t know what they want and are insecure.
• The Blah Talker – Speaks loudly, gestures like crazy, talks a lot, and nothing comes out. No content, whatsoever. But due to volume and quantity, appears to know what they are talking about
• The Dreamer – Usually either found away from the desk, or dreamily staring into space, or at their screen; while hands are resting on the keyboard – doing nothing. They are busy, representing.
• The Career Bullshitter – These are the scariest types. Tend to have “friends in high places.” They know they are full of shit, but have gotten so good at it, and are usually so high up the ladder, they are no longer fireable. They ARE the emperor. No one can expose them, because it would make their flock look equally incompetent. Stay out of their way, they will undermine you and get rid of you when you start to threaten their status quo. If you have an emperor as your boss, it’s time to cut your losses and either switch departments, or leave the company.

Good companies are usually run by very few emperors and lots of “good people,” so keep that in mind, before you feel too bad. Good does win. It just takes longer and sometimes, well, sometimes you’ll just have to start over again…at the bottom…with a low title and low money, because keeping one’s integrity and not selling out one’s principles should override the need for a grand title and grand salaries! Forge ahead and remember, NAKED!

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