Thought distortions, in a nutshell, are catastrophizing; the classic doomsday thinking. In my case, these types of thoughts cause severe anxiety, and I have been dealing with them for most of my life. Let me give you some examples. Let’s say I’m at work, a party, or some kind of gathering, and I see someone walk by who may be deep in thought. My brain will immediately conclude that this person is deliberately not seeing me, doesn’t like me, and doesn’t want anything to do with me. Another example is not getting a response to a text message, email, or other type of communication. In my mind, not responding to me means that you don’t care about me and are deliberately ignoring me.
The problem is that I can’t tell if my thoughts and patterns are a result of my ADHD or if they are a result of trauma I’ve experienced. Like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, thought distortions are common in the ADHD brain, but also common in people who have experienced trauma. They also make it impossible to decipher whether a reaction or thought is justified or simply exaggerated and possibly not true at all. This leaves me in a constant battle with myself, beating myself up for having “crazy thoughts,” while at the same time deliberately overlooking situations or behaviors that may actually be cruel, intentional, or dangerous to my well-being. It’s very difficult when your reality is truly distorted. The shame I feel makes it impossible for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings, so I never really ask a person if they meant to say or do a certain thing. Therefore, I no longer reach out to people, I isolate and avoid. Right now it’s the best I can do, while I work on myself utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.
Here is a great article from the ADDitude magazine about cognitive distortions. This article also paints an accurate picture of how I mostly look at the world.
