For as long as I can remember, I strongly disliked groups. Even as a child I found groups scary, dishonest and pretentious. In school, there were cliques and man, it sure sucked to not be part of one, so I tried my best to fit in. When I got older, I found that nothing else changed. Once you put people in a “herd,” they inevitably seemed to turn into jerks and the lines of right and wrong would become blurry, or downright disappear. So, I went clubbing by myself, I joined gyms by myself, I pretty much did everything by myself, and while I would make friends easily, I would prefer 1-on-1 interaction, versus hanging out with a group.

The whole thing started when I was about 17, and was more or less a social experiment. I hung out with long haired rock guys, the goths, the geeks, the nerds and any fringe group I could find. While I always clicked with certain individuals, the group thing was a turn off. By the time I reached my late 20’s I was done.

But why did I not operate like other people? After all, there seemed something to that whole group thing, and yet, I disliked it. It wasn’t until I reached my late 30’s that I started to see the patterns clear enough to understand what would always make me run. People in groups will abandon all logic, reason and decency, and support each other in their bad behaviors.

Looking at churches/religious groups, social groups, professional affiliations, political parties, and any other group I can think of, the patterns always repeat itself – once people associate with a certain group, they no longer judge, and not only look the other way for bad behaviors, but find ways to excuse and support them. Objectivity is lacking and people can do whatever they want, while their “friends” and affiliates provide the alibi.

Now let’s take this on a large scale. I have successfully boycotted Walmart for over 20 years. Once I found out about their corruption and how poorly they treat their employees, especially women and black people, I never set foot into any of their stores again. Even when making little money, I rather spent more instead of selling out. I later on followed my principles by boycotting Chick-fil-A, Hobby Lobby, Marriott and a whole slew of companies who violated human decency, or discriminated against others. I walked out of two companies that were paying me incredibly well, because they were corrupt. I refused to be paid by unethical corporations. I believed so strongly in doing the right thing that I would overwrite my fear of not being able to find a new job, which luckily never happened.

When I look at the world and the state we are in, I can almost always attribute it to tribalism. Just look at the tribe that supports Trump. Look at all the people who support assault weapons over kids’ safety, follow crazy religious leaders/beliefs. Everyone considers themselves a “good person,” even as they are spewing racist remarks, make horrible statements, attack others, lie, cheat and act in the most despicable ways. And they have no reason to doubt that they are as great as they make themselves out to be, as long as someone stands by their side, patting them on the back, agreeing with them and telling them how right they are.

People do not like to feel uncomfortable. Facing ones own uncomfortable truths, destructive behavioral patterns, hypocrisy or inauthenticity/cognitive dissonance are things that most will avoid their entire life, and that is the defining characteristic that makes me different. Where others find alibis for their bad behaviors, false constructs and BS, I’ll seek mine out in detail, face them, deal with them and dismantle them. It leaves me in constant flux, but also constant growth, which means the majority of people that may have served at one point in my life, are more than likely not the ones I find myself with years later – and that is OK, I’m never really lonely or alone.

I hope that I may always evolve, grow and learn, even if that robs me of the tribal alliances almost everyone seems to need and cling to so desperately. I hope there are others, who can look at their own actions, motives and words with the same scrutiny and choose doing what’s right over what alliances and safety dictate. However, looking at the majority of people, I believe the chances are slim for change, so all I can do is continuously do what’s right, even if it is hard and often lonesome.

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