Yep, it’s that time again where I’m shaking my head, not sure if I should laugh, or grind my teeth. These days, I’m choosing to laugh, but oh boy… And of course, if you are easily offended, better turn around now!
Today, I had a conversation with two women about dating. We talked about online dating and I laughingly declared that I’d rather be single. I am basing my opinion on our lovely social media sites, where people are often observed on their best behavior. Their profiles read like wonderful resumes of, what often appears to be, smart, funny, successful, compassionate, loving and wonderful people, which some of them are not…AT ALL!
Look, I get it. It’s not fun to declare one’s true douchiness at times. But if you consistently state how you are out there trying to make the world better and how all we need is more kindness and understanding, while you are a self-absorbed, unkind, judgmental, cynical jerk who really doesn’t care too much about others, unless they are like you, then you maybe shouldn’t talk at all. Don’t tell me about the virtues of silence and close relationships, while you use and abuse others and pimp yourself out every day.
Why does it even get on my nerves? Maybe because I simply despise people who are dishonest and pretentious and sell the world on a farce. I am so passionate against liars that I devoted my life to it and became a fraud prevention professional! Yep, it runs deep with me. There is something about these people who are so big on appearances and yet all it takes is a tiny glimpse under the rug upon which they stand, to realize “wow, this foundation is built on quicksand.”
I remember my dad, who was regarded as a charming, funny, entertaining comedian. A guy who loved animals and would rescue a bird with a broken wing, while being a monster to his family. Since I was a child, I have tugged on people’s coat tails, whispering, or sometimes loudly stating “I know who you really are.” I have such strong emotions about hypocrites, because I know how much they hurt others who buy into their stories of greatness. There is nothing better like a sociopath to learn from when it comes to recognizing disingenuous compassion and fake kindness, motivated by selfish agendas and narcissism.
I so badly want the world to be a better place. I have visions of kind people who help each other out, honor the planet, help the sick, poor and less fortunate and go out of their way to love and be happy. I believe in utopia. I reserve the right to be radically loud, to vomit my, not always organized, but nevertheless raw and honest emotions into the world, while fully understanding that I might rub some people the wrong way or make them feel uncomfortable. I stand firmly in my childish, stubborn, lower-lip-pushed-forward warrior girl mode, who sometimes judges too harshly, can be overly dramatic, but would give her last dollar to a homeless person and loves completely, with the fierce loyalty of a stick of gum. I’m not perfect, greatly flawed, but I am real and what you see is what you get.
I want to be overwhelmed by awesomness, instead of feeling disgust when I read another article of a seemingly superior and well held together individual, who talks about the importance of love, after they just slashed the hell out of me or others, for being imperfect, or god forbid, having said the wrong thing.
I know, I know, I cannot change others. I know that my rants can be off-putting, but today, I simply must tip my hat to those who genuinely, honestly, whole-heartedly love, share and give. I am grateful for having quite a few such individuals on my Facebook friends’ list and understand that I can’t get discouraged, angered or disappointed by the fact that we do at times live in a rather cynical, self-absorbed and crazy world. I must hold my head slightly tilted, smile and make sure that I don’t become like them.
I only have the power to change myself – this has to remain my mantra…
