Have you ever sat around and wondered how you got to where you are at now? And if, where you are at, is not where you want to be, have you ever had that nagging feeling that maybe it isn’t them, but you? So when is it time to fess up to your own actions and realize that maybe you truly are the one to blame? And when can you safely assume that whatever happened truly didn’t have anything to do with you? Well, here are a few ways to tell the difference.
- Things that are out of your control
Sometimes life happens. Bad things sometimes happen to good people and good things sometimes happen to bad people. We don’t have control over the actions, emotions or thoughts of others. This is really important when it comes to sickness or even death! I remember feeling guilty for the longest time after my mother passed away. Maybe I could have done something to prevent it? Maybe I could have spent more time with her, etc. It took me a long time to realize that there is nothing I could have done and that I had to move on and let go of the guilt. I cannot go back in time, but I can change my perception for the future. - Relationships that went bad
It doesn’t matter if it is a work relationship or a personal one. In any situation I would advise people to take a long hard look at their own actions and words and see their own part in any fight or dispute. It usually takes two to tango, and while there are times when we are getting wronged by another, we did have a part in how we responded, acted and dealt with a situation. This is especially true if you find yourself in the same situation time and time again. There comes the point and time where we can no longer blame another and use the same excuses for the same behaviors, while keeping our credibility. If numerous people from different groups keep accusing you of the same stuff, it’s time to point the finger at yourself. - The Law of Attraction
Nope, I am not going into the new age explanation of any spiritual law here. But to say it bluntly, if you keep attracting the same type into your life, namely the type that cannot accept you for who you are, you are the one who needs to shift. I know that this is not what people want to hear, but who we really are does shine and sends a very clear message that some may be totally unaware of. If you end up again with a cheater or emotionally unavailable partner, if you yet again got screwed over or back-stabbed by a friend, it is about time to take a look at what part of you draws people that hurt you and are utterly incapable of supporting your growth. Maybe you are the one who doesn’t want to grow and therefore you choose that which you know, even though it hurts you. If you have been dysfunctional for a long time, chances are most of your surroundings are also quite dysfunctional, because, as unfair as it seems to you, healthy people don’t hang with crazy ones, just like really smart people don’t hang out with idiots. This is what groups and cliques are all about!
Growth hurts. This is the reason that plenty of people don’t grow and don’t really learn from their mistakes. As we start to shift in who we are, we will inadvertently alienate some of our old friends, because they cannot or will not grow with you. When people only know the broken you, they tend to not react too kindly to the new, healthy you. Misery loves company and as you learn to no longer be miserable, some people may literally sabotage your growth. See, the law of attraction works both ways. When you are a happy person in the midst of unhappy people, you’ll just hold up a mirror to them. With each step that you take in the right direction, you’ll just show them what a failure they are by sitting on their butts and doing nothing; even when they are completely unaware of it and hence, will never, ever admit it! After all, friends always argue that they just want you to be happy; but the truth is that very few actually mean it. Usually it is more a “I want you to be happy, as long as you don’t threaten my status quo and don’t make me look like a failure.”
We always have choices in life and it is never too late to switch one’s course. If your way hasn’t worked for you, maybe it’s time to try something else. In my opinion, the only ones who get to attack you about your ways are those who are doing it right; so consider the source! My friends have been the greatest contributors to who I am today. I listened, because they had the life I wanted and traits I admired. To this day, I do not give stock to the words of people who live their life in chaos, misery and unhappiness. And for each unhappy friend-turned-enemy I had, at least one really awesome person emerge. So take action and start the road of happiness. After all, what do you have to lose?
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Agreed on all points, but how do you realize what the reasons are you attract the wrong people in your life (i.e. backstabbing friends, bad relationships). It’s a very difficult path to go down and involves constantly questioning yourself, your choices, your decision.
I have quit the enemies from my life, at at some point I’ll learn to search more deeply when finding new friends but at this point–I trust no one. That’s the immediate side effect.
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You realize it by a simple mathematical equation! Is is impossible to always be a victim and always getting wronged. If life repeats itself over and over, you are making the choices that contribute to it. How do you figure out what drives these choices? That’s where enough honesty with oneself comes in, as well as enough determination to get well, where you’ll seek out help. Help comes in many forms and one has to get to the point where they’ll do WHATEVER it takes to find their happiness. Until then, it’s just a whole bunch of lame excuses, finger pointing, lack of accountability and honesty, and therefore a continuation of it all.