Why is it so important to remain positive? Why shouldn’t we all just give in, cry over spilled milk and wallow in self-pity? After all, we deserve to have the very best, no matter how much we contribute, or don’t for that matter. Why? Because our society teaches us that it is OK to have a sense of entitlement and that nothing is our fault.

How do you do it? How do you remain the positive, upbeat person you are meant to be, when you, yet again, lost in life? And when that promotion, job offer, boyfriend, girlfriend, house or apartment you wanted and deserved, again, sailed out of reach? Why should you not stomp your foot and complain for a while about the injustice of it all? Or why not keep complaining and keep holding on to all the missed chances and opportunities that escaped you, all your life?!

The simple answer is that acting like a martyr will only turn you into an eternal victim; and no one likes those. People like that project their negativity and crappy outlook about 100 miles ahead of them; and unless you are not OK in the head, you’ll run when you see them coming. Plus, holding on to negativity will only produce more of it. In addition, it will make you physically, emotionally and mentally ill. Obsessing over anything is not a great thing and when one obsesses over bad stuff it only gets worse.

Don’t get me wrong. It is absolutely normal, human and healthy to feel anger, fear, sadness or disappointment. But if you are not able to let go of these feelings and keep carrying them month after month and year after year, it is no longer healthy, but an unhealthy obsession and a total distortion of one’s view. And that, my friends, just never does anything good.

One of the great ways of letting go is to lose one’s attachment. I have found that my life is what I make it and that I do attract what I want, about 80% of the time. But there are those other 20% that, for no apparent rhyme or reason, don’t work out. There are failures in my life and there are losses and there is no lottery that made it happen. I wasn’t punished by a higher being and sometimes I don’t deserve it. And even though life is predominantly what I make it, there is always a bit of the unknown involved.

On the bright side, almost every single time I have “lost” something, I gained something of higher value. Hence, letting go of bad relationships and those who didn’t fit with who I am, lead to me finding my husband; he is the one who does fit and does belong with me.
I got laid off by Yahoo; not one of my fondest memories and yet one of the most liberating moments in my life. Of course, it took me over 2 years to figure this out!

I have experienced tons of losses in my life. Some of them I was responsible for, others were out of my control. It took me almost 20 years to learn that my unhealthy attachment to anyone or anything was causing me nothing but heartache. I enlisted the help of a professional to help me get over some of these issues, but the rest I did on my own. I was determined to be the positive, upbeat person I felt I was meant to be; not the negative, nay-saying, scared and insecure person I had become. I was tired of feeling powerless, out of energy and a bit like a loser, especially since none of these statements were particularly true (well, they were in my head).

I started focusing on the things I did have, could do and that were in my control. I had control over how I felt physically. All I had to do is get my butt up and start working out; and I had to stop shoving cheeseburgers and fries down my throat. I had control over how much sad memories from the past were controlling me; after all, there are plenty of therapists in Los Angeles. I had control over the friends I picked and with how much BS I was willing to put up. I had to set my boundaries, and if I didn’t know how to set them, darn it, I was determined to figure out how to do it properly.

Do I get whatever I want? Hardly! Do I get what I want most of the time? Definitely! The world hasn’t changed and neither did the people in it. There are still a lot of whining, irresponsible, pretentious and ignorant jerks wandering around; namely the kind that still can drive me up the wall. However, I don’t need to get affected by them. They can life in jerkland all by themselves, while I go ahead and live the life I truly do deserve.

What has changed is how I perceive my life, my choices, my power and myself. All the dorky clichés, i.e. “when life gives you lemons make lemonade,” do apply for me now. The glass is half full, the glasses are rose colored and yet, I’m not a naive Kool Aid drinker who read one too many self-help books.

What do I have that the sad, miserable folks do not? I have hope and I have a ton of tools under my belt that I didn’t have before. I know that no matter how bleak a situation may appear, I can turn it around; I can make the proverbial lemonade again. No one “makes” me miserable, no one is responsible for how I feel (although there are still a few trigger people I want to strangle at times, but then I get over it) and there are no missed opportunities, as long as I know that I did the best I could; and that I did what I did with integrity, honesty and hard work. As long as I know that I didn’t give up right away and that I did my best, I can walk away and say “Oh well, this one wasn’t meant to be, but wait for what is going to come up next! Wheeeeeeeee!!” (Did not intend to make the last sentence rhyme) 🙂

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